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Love The One You’re With
from Maintaining Our Temples by Qaraandin
Ask almost anyone you know, “What would you do if you met the man or woman
of your dreams?” It might take a while to get an answer. Not because the
person needs a long time to think of the answer. But because for most people
the list of things to do with a dream lover is very long.
Many of our ideas about what lovers do together come from movies, television,
and books. We then want our real life love to match someone else’s
make-believe.
You would probably hear:
-
take walks on the beach
-
have dinner by candlelight
-
take a trip to a tropical island
-
send each other love letters
-
oil each other’s bodies
If, however, you were to ask the same person, “Do you do any of these things
now?,” he would probably say, “No, I’m waiting for that “special
person” to do them with.”
We have to be special to ourselves before anyone else can be special to us. We
have to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. We have to give love to
ourselves before we can expect to get love from anyone else.
Let’s say we decide that we are going to love ourselves as we want someone
else to love us. We decide to start taking walks on the beach. After all, that
is what lovers do. We may find that we do not like the feel of sand under our
feet. We may even realize we don’t live anywhere near a beach and it is too
much of a hassle to get to one.
When we try eating by candlelight, we may find that we prefer more light so we
can see the food on our plate.
But suppose we know we like eating by candlelight and walking on beaches. How
can anyone else know we like doing these things if they never see us doing
them?
When you go to someone’s house and see fresh flowers all over the place, you
tend to believe he likes flowers.
We keep waiting for the person of our dreams to come into our lives so we can
start living. We do not seem to realize that we are in each and every one of
our dreams. And we already have a life. It’s up to us how much living we put
into it.
One of the requirements for maintaining our temples is that we love ourselves.
When we wait for someone else to love us the way we want them to love us, we
usually end up being angry, disappointed, and/or bitter. How can anyone else
do all of the things we want them to do, and do them all of the time?
How can we expect someone else to love us enough to do anything for us when we
do not love ourselves enough to take care of our own needs?
Folk place the same value on us we place on ourselves. When we show that we do
not believe we are worth loving, they believe we are right. Love comes from
inside ourselves and is reflected back to us through others.
Sistah Qaraandin is the author of 'Maintaining Our
Temples" and the publisher/editor of 'Sistah Qaraandin's M.O.T.
Healthzine.' She is available for speaking engagements. E.mail her at
pantherpawproductions@hotmail.com
“The healing power of a person lies within the person,
not within the doctor, a pill, or a knife. The healing power of a community
lies within the community, not within a ballot box, an executive order, or a
referendum.”
from: Maintaining Our Temples
